Football season is less than 10 days away, and as our friend in Alabama used to say, “Git excited!”

Actually, don’t get too excited. We’re entering the most annoying part of the football season. It’s the last week of the preseason, meaning teams have pretty much figured out their rosters by now, named their starters, and are basically doing everything in their powers to not get anybody hurt this weekend. That means that, although there are football games this weekend, they will only serve as a means to prevent you from getting what you want for another week or so. Why must the football gods be so cruel?

Well, we’re gonna go ahead and save the day. While no real football seems to matter this week, there is a certain football that might matter to some of us a lot more than it probably should. That football, my friend, comes in fantasy form. Our draft is Saturday, so all week, we’ll be breaking down the possible Miami Dolphins selections; whom to take and when to take ‘em.

After the jump: Defense and kickers. Yawn.

Ok, so we’ve told you everything we know about the Dolphins offensive skill position, correct? You understand that, under no circumstance, do you draft a Dolphins WR, right? Awesome. Now let’s talk defense/special teams and kicker. (Oh. Fun.)

Defense/Special Teams

The bad news: The Dolphins defense is ranked 27th, according to FFToday.com.

The good news: We’re pretty sure that doesn’t take return yardage/touchdowns into consideration.

Here’s the problem. While Ted Ginn is considered a threat to run one back every so often, he’s not Devin Hester. In order to balance out a defense that ranked 23rd in YPG allowed, 30th in PPG allowed, and lost 2 of the best defensive players to ever put on a Dolphin uniform, he’s going to have to be equal parts Devin Hester, Dante Hall, Az-Zahir Hakim and Desmond Howard. Otherwise known as Devante-Zahirmond Heskimardhall. (Please lord, let him be that good, if only for the opportunity to make that a household name.)

The likelihood of that being the case is pretty slim though, so if you’re in a 12-team, 20-round league like us, take a flier on them with your 19th pick. You’ll only have to use them one week anyway, and it’ll satisfy your craving for a Dolphins’ representative on your roster.

Kicker

The good news: The Dolphins offense will be kicking. A lot.

The bad news: Most of those will be of the punt variety.

All kidding aside, this might be the most productive aspect of the Dolphins offense this year, in regards to scoring points. (Man, it seems like that’s been the case every year for the last decade, huh?) Sadly, this rationale tends to hold up about as well as a levee in the Big Easy. For all the Dolphins’ offensive ineptitude last year, Jay Feely ranked last amongst kickers in total fantasy points.

But c’mon. We’re talking about kickers, and the difference between the best and worst kicker last year was minimal at best. Just how minimal? 3.5 points per game. And do you know who the best kicker in fantasy football was last year? Mason Fucking Crosby. Followed by Stephen Gostkowski, Rob Bironas and Nick Folk. Good lord, what’s a Nick Folk?

Do yourself a favor. Wait till the last round, close your eyes, throw a dart at your magazine and whichever name it spears, there’s your kicker. Besides, by that point, everyone will be strung out on pizza, beer and names they’ve never heard of. Your swift decision making will earn you bonus points with other fat, impatient, drunken owners.

That’s your final fantasy preview. Our draft is tomorrow night, so we’ll give you the rundown of the 5-hour awesomeness that’s sure to go down. (Someone will, without fail, draft Marino.) Print it out and bring it to the shitter with you on Sunday. We promise it won’t disappoint.