Getting the pleasure of kicking off the homerun derby? Your favorite large forearmed second basemen and mine, Dan Uggla.

After launching the first couple of pitches over the
fence, he paced himself to a 6-homer total in the first round. That would be good enough for a fifth place tie with Grady Sizemore.

Your first round leader: Josh Hamilton (28)

Your first round guy-who-can’t-hit-good: Evan Longoria (3)

Longest homerun: Josh Hamilton (518 ft)

Times Joe Morgan has made me want to shoot myself: 17

Notes: Reformed drug addict, Josh Hamilton launches a record 28 homers in one round, off a 71-year old pitcher not named Charlie Hough. Later signs a deal to be the new spokesperson for Coke. (Zing!)